The 20th-century theologian Hans Urs Von Balthasar wrote:
“Man is the creature with a mystery in his heart that is bigger than himself.”
I remember talking with a man at work about his journey of discerning the motions of his heart. Let’s call the guy Joe.
He shared with me that he grew up in an atheist family. At age 16 he asked his parents about God and they told him God didn’t exist. They told him that life was about finding happiness in yourself.
Joe took their words seriously and sought happiness by satisfying his many whims and desires. He tried everything: parties, drugs, sex, alcohol. There came a point in his early twenties when he realized that his desire was so great that nothing on this earth could satisfy it. He came to the realization that his heart had a depth and a hole that was endless, infinite. He realized that if he had a desire that was so much greater than himself, there must be something greater than himself, something infinite that could fulfill it.
In the Catechism we read that “the desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself.” (CCC#27)
Contemporary theologian Henri de Lubac tells us that man’s creation for God shapes his nature from the beginning and from within. The one thing that is ultimately fulfilling for man is the one thing that man cannot provide for himself, because it is the one thing that is of its very nature gratuitous. In short, what man desires is the self-gift of the other, and ultimately the divine Other.
What strikes me from this is the fact that the gift of the supernatural is by its nature gratuitous.
It’s like falling in love. Can you buy love? Can you grab it?
Love happens … often in a surprising way. It can come to you when you least expect it. You can prepare for it and be open to it, but it is always gratuitous, free … and it comes from relationship with another.
At one of the World Youth Days, St. John Paul II, speaking of Jesus, said, “He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives …”
One of the best retreats I’ve been to was with a Jesuit priest, Father Elton Fernandez. He started the retreat by asking each of us what we desired the most. We were given some time and then we shared our answers with each other.
It’s important to look within and see how the Lord is drawing us to himself. Every desire ultimately points to him, even if in discerning the desire we may be missing the mark or trying to satisfy the desire in ways that are not whole.
Our Lord works with our heart and not against it, and it is from this place that he does his work in us and in the world.
Jesus isn’t an abstract idea or a far-away king. He is in our midst and always present, calling us to himself through beauty, goodness, and truth. We only need the heart and eyes to recognize him.
Once we recognize him, we will delight in him and want to take steps towards him.
The liturgy and traditions of the Church offer us many opportunities to enter deeper into prayer. This is the primary place where the Lord speaks to our heart and we learn to recognize the Spirit dwelling and moving within us.
